The essay written by the student in defense of diversity of education is fantastic. From this writing, it is apparent that the student is making good progress towards developing an essay that is comprehensive. The ideals standards against which such essays are evaluated are on development of good essay content with flowing ideas, appropriate formatting, correct use of quotes and good grammar.
From the essay, it is worth noting that the writer has learnt the skill of organizing ideas that flow in self-supporting paragraphs. This allows for smooth transition from one paragraph to the next. Each idea is exhaustively discussed in a complete paragraph, an indication that the student is on track with essay content development. All the paragraphs of the essay are communicating a certain aspect that builds on the broad topic of diversity of education. This is a credible progress.
The writer has also demonstrated grammatical growth in the way sentences are developed. However, the sentence structures still need adjustment and improvement. Some sentences are compounded and prolonged such that the idea that is being passed across gets disjointed. In order to improve on this, the writer should gradually strive to construct simple sentences with correct connectors to achieve clarity of ideas in the paragraphs. The paragraphs should as well be kept not as long as is the case in some parts of the essay. The writer needs to aim at limiting a paragraph to utmost seven complete simple sentences.
The writer has also made good effort in the use of quotes within the sentences. Nonetheless, excessive and frequent use of quotes within a paragraph may limit the reader’s ability to relate and bond with the idea in the sentence or paragraph. Perhaps, the writer can paraphrase some of the quotes, but enforce the same meaning. While the writer has succeeded in relevantly using the quotes within the sentences, the same could be better followed with correct punctuations.
Overall, the writer is progressing well in essay writing and with slight adjustments in the pointed areas, can make a good final essay. The essay is generally impressive, thoughtful and informative.